The Hari Shake – A Painfully Boring Poem

The Hari Shake: A Poem is a dull, unoriginal and boring health-food-woo-promoting  'POEMvertisement' that looks like it was written by a fifth-grader who wrote it on a wipe of toilet paper and taped it to the bathroom mirror to read it everyday, in order to brainwash the kid into believing food-woo.

Alrighty, folks! Here's the actual poem she wrote. This POEMvertisement promotes a recipe for her 'cancer-preventing' and 'easier to digest' (LOL, to supposedly prevent a poot) raw-food woo shake.

'Hari Shakes are a staple of my life My husband drinks them because Food Babe is his wife But that’s not the only reason you see He drinks them because they are so damn yummy!'

'Hari Shakes are nothing fancy, just a green delicious smoothie with a name Acting like I invented a new drink, would make me sound so lame I drink these gorgeous green beauties because I love getting my dark leafy greens And because I know it will help me look like someone in their teens!'

'You blend it all together with lots of vitamin and fiber rich fruit It’s easier to digest, preventing you from a poot. You also get more nutrients, because blenders can breakdown the vegetable cell wall Chewing all the time is for the cows, y’all!'

'Hari Shakes are a great choice for busy lifestyles and are perfect to make the night ahead Knowing you have one ready in the fridge will make you sleep easier as you lay down in your bed.'

'If you haven’t had a green smoothie before try this recipe tonight It will fill your body with lots of phytonutrient love giving your body instant light!'

'Commit to exercise, loving yourself, and drinking Hari Shakes as part of your daily routine And you’ll experience what it is like to be a lean mean cancer preventing machine!'

Yay. That was terribly boring. Sounds like a David Wolfe or Dr. Oz commercial to me. Anyways, let's get to the frickin' recipe for once...

Food Babe’s Hari Shake: Woo-cipe alert!
Ingredients Instructions
 * 4 cups kale removed from stem
 * 4 large stalks of celery chopped
 * 3 sprigs parsley
 * 3 sprigs cilantro
 * 1 pear chopped
 * 1 apple chopped or 1 cup strawberries or fruit of your choice
 * juice of ½ lemon
 * 8 ounces of filtered water
 * 1) Wash all vegetables thoroughly and place into a large bowl
 * 2) Add 8 ounces of water and lemon juice into a blender with 2 cups kale
 * 3) Blend for 30 secs until just incorporated
 * 4) Add additional kale, herbs and celery and keep blending for another 30 secs
 * 5) Next add apple and pear and blend for another 30-60 secs until well combined (Do not over blend)
 * 6) Pour mixture into 2 glass storage jars
 * 7) Best served after chilled - especially for your first one!