Moon Juice: Buy Our Shit!

~"This is pretty intense. Even for me. I had to take a few hits off my salt bong. Basically her chakras are so powerful they are overwhelming the negative energy from the chemtrails and they are dripping green juice which a peace tree is growing from and Himalayan pink salt which she will vape with some pcp laced weed."~ some random user on Chow Babe's article about Moon Juice's "Sex Dust" the picture looks as it were decorated on Drawception.

~"I can't wait for all the new toys! My first vagi-steam, 'lil tykes mini iron lung, Hello Kitty Sun-Octave Vibrating Chocolate Maker, and of course a beginners Iphone assembly station for when your parents sell you into indentured servitude because they went broke on all your wootritious foods."~ another frickin' Facebook user 

Oh crap. Where do I begin with all the new-agey medicine Moon Juice promotes on their Facebook page? My eyes are aching from reading all these words on the screen, and all I want to do is poke some fun at a handful of Moon Juice's Product Line.

Guess we'll start off with the sprouted-walnut meme:

Let's Get Cosmic Here, Ladies!
In the ridiculously cosmic picture on the right shows a jar filled with water, with walnuts floating on the top like a cluster of floating turds. Bacon claims this silly practice to 'activate magical cosmic powers' in these poor 'dormant' nuts for health-enhancing qualities.

Heck, Bacon stretches outside the edge of established science to the point of fibbing that phytic acid 'causes bloating and breakouts'.

its fuckin' unnesacerry to do this fuckin' wet practise and can place fuckin' water/air germs into the fuckin' walnuts/ pecans/ almonds/ hazelnuts/ etc! you can get sick from it and vomit fuckin' everywhere! cooking/roasting makes nuts easy digest and tasty....

WTF Moon Juice... SRSLY???!!!