~"That ain't no bark; dat's fudge! Bark's made from chocolate! Or a tree."~ 20 year old college student who liked food babe at first, but rage quitted his subscription when the Babe attacked Kleenex Tissues.

Halloween Bark is a spooky and FUDGEY work of hypocrisy. Since Vani is from India, her family doesn't mind it P's and Q's to Murican' food! Indian familes make Indian food (like curry and chicken), so Vani has misnamed many of her recipes, like this one you see here.


Damn, this 'bark''s texture resembles sellout almond-butter fudge. It leaves a weird afterfeel in my mouth.

So what's the jiggly spiders on this masterpiece? Hmm, let's peek at dem' 'gredients.


  • 1 cup almond butter (the base for this 'bark'. Real chocolate bark's base is goddamn chocolate, and real nature bark is stripped straight from a tree. I knew it!)
  • 3 tbsp Nutiva coconut oil (dude, hop off that coconut oil woo! If she uses coconut oil in place of butter, you know you're gonna waste too much money.)
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 1 and ½ tbsp maple syrup
  • ¼ cup of sunspire sun drops chocolate pieces (her go-to 'natural' alternative to M&Ms. But these Autumn-shaded gems contain pasteurized milk and conventional cocoa, two ingredients she and the fundies moan and bitch about causing cancer or diabetes or 'toxins' making you fat. Lol!)

Instructions (really not that bad)

  1. Combine almond butter, coconut oil, salt, vanilla, and maple syrup and stir well
  2. Place mixture in a 8x8 pan or small dish lined with parchment paper
  3. Top with chocolate pieces
  4. Place in freezer for at least 3 hours
  5. Cut into small bite square sized pieces and enjoy!